Only In My Mind
by Miss Nostalgia
Summary: It almost came out like a whisper. She pretended to be mildly affected of their friend's death, like it was something inevitable. All she could do was push the elevator button, go to her room and bury herself in her textbooks. Maybe it will go away...


**Disclaimer**: I do not own Jungle Fish 2.

* * *

><p>"Can't you forget Hyo-an now?"<p>

Although this question silently startled him, he still answered her.

"I want to do that too, but I just can't."

She was momentarily silenced by his answer. She tried to think of something else to say, but as soon as the words came out of her mouth, she knew she was going to regret it and that there was no going back.

"Hyo-an… She's already dead."

She saw his eyes darken for a moment and saw the pain and anger in his eyes.

"The important part is you. If you-"

He didn't need to hear anything more.

It almost came out like a whisper. She pretended to be mildly affected of their friend's death, like it was something inevitable. She put up such a cool front in front of the boy she secretly loved. Seo-yul wasn't exactly new to this kind of conversation. She thought that if she did it her way, it would end up like how a conversation with her father always ended up. She thought it would be good if she always put up her walls. The sounds of water passing by from Han River was all that filled the silence.

But with Hoo-soo, it was of course different.

"We should go back now," he said to her as he stiffly stood up, his eyes set on nowhere particular. Hoo-soo offered his hand to Seo-yul, trying to forget her last remark. He knew that well. Once someone dies, they stay dead, and nothing could ever change that. All that he was able to do last, and also for the sake of everyone especially Hyo-an, was to solve the mystery that shrouded her suicide and Seo-yul's strange involvement with the dilemma at hand.

She did her best to hold back the tears, as was her usual doing since she started engaging in conversations with Hoo-soo. She just wanted someone to listen to her. She desperately _needed_ someone to just sit down and be with her. She wanted a presence that could sooth her guilt feeling and regret. She thought that Hoo-soo would do the job but, the guilt was consuming her effectively than before. If only she could tell him the truth…

He offered his hand, and she accepted. How she wished she could just wrap her arms around his waist and rest her head on his back, but she can't do that. She wasn't Hyo-an, and she could never replace her. Not even in death.

They rode in silence. As they reached Seo-yul's apartment, Hoo-soo didn't say anything. Deafened by the silence, she tried to say something, but found herself unable to do so. She was at loss for words. She could only let the tears slip and fall from her eyes. She thought that, maybe even just a little, Hoo-soo would comfort her. Let her cry on his shoulder and hug her like how she wanted him to. But no, he wouldn't, not after what she said. That one simple sentence he didn't need to her from her anymore. He was there when it happened. He was there when the doctor tried to resuscitate her. He was there to hear the the deafening beep from the monitor.

And before all of that happened, she was there too. She was there to hurt her, albeit not physically, but emotional scars were enough to suck the willingness to live out of Hyo-an.

She couldn't do anything but just look as Hoo-soo drove away.

Hyo-an wouldn't have blamed it all on her own, if only she stayed a true friend to her. If only she didn't turn her back on her. If only she realized how important she was to Hyo-an.

_I'll defeat you no matter what. _

The words she said during the last night of Hyo-an's life repeated itself in her mind. What was she even thinking at that time? When did she become so heartless, so emotionless that she became so willing to defend herself, pretend to be strong and cover the secrets at the cost of her best friend's life?_  
><em>

"I'm sorry Hyo-an... I'm sorry for being so weak... I'm sorry for being so selfish..."

All she could do was push the elevator button, go to her room and bury herself in her textbooks. That way, at least the pain would go away a little... Seo-yul always believed that she'd look stronger, fiercer if she did better than anyone else.

But deep inside, she was just a lost soul, waiting and wanting to be found and rescued.

_I'm sorry._

* * *

><p><em>AN_: There. How was it? I haven't written for such a long time. I can definitely say that Jungle Fish 1 and 2 are two good movies/TV series. You can learn a lot. Well I hope you liked my version of this scene which you can see in episode 4. Review if you can.


End file.
